Did You Know? When Did Marriage Become About Love?
For centuries, marriage was viewed as a practical arrangement between two families. So how did love become the basis for marriage? A lot of people in the world have grown up thinking that love and marriage go hand in hand, like pen and paper. Before we move on, I want to state that this article is not an endorsement for any particular type of marriage. Rather it is written for educational purposes only. So to start, when did marriage start, and what were the primary rubrics for choosing a mate before love came into the mix? Marriage is a custom that dates back thousands of years ago, and it's a practicing culture the world over. Marriage can take different forms but we will focus our attention on the forms of marriage next time. According to Stephanie Coontz, author of 'Marriage, A History, the love match is a relatively recent phenomenon of western marriage. she said "...what marriage had in common was that, it really was not about the relationship between the man and the woman...it was a way of getting in-laws to making alliance and expanding the family labour force" This brings us to our next question, when did love start being considered the primary reason for marriage?
Well according to Dr. Aparajita Jeedigunta, some of the reasons had to do with marriage laws and property rights. said " monogamous marriages are a way of legitimizing children, with men claiming their offspring and wives as part of their household and properties" this ensured that any family wealth passed down accordingly. Starting in the 10th century in Europe, the concept of consent in marriage became more vital "... with the idea that the union between the consenting parties should be approved by a religious body and before God" - Dr. Aparajita Jeedigunta. Thus Christianity has its fair share in the disintegration of the old form of marriage. With the creation concept of one man one woman, Christian churches helped and are still helping to promote the notion of " only the marriage couples ideology". Therefore the original idea of binding two families together through marriage has been turned into binding two people together through marriage.
So love before the union wasn't the only focus but consent and family approval often were. And the idea of married couples glowing to love each other after years in the relationship wasn't so outside the cultural imagination. But throughout history, people have been getting married for a lot of reasons and love was sometimes one of them. However, it wasn't such a common practice as we see today. The idea of romance started to slowly emerge in the 18th century and this trend continued into the 19th century. As people began to move from rural areas to more dense cities, we saw the rise of ideas that focused on individuality and the happiness of the individual. As a result, some folks were picking their own partners for the first time rather than relying on or considering a large family structure. But this perspective isn't universal.
A contemporary study of "Population: Attitudes towards Marriages" in India, Pakistan, Thailand, Mexico, Brazil, Japan, Hong Kong, The Philippines, Australia, England, and the US. found out that love isn't considered the number one factor in choosing a life partner, and arranged marriages aren't a relic of the past. They still exist widely across cultures from Jewish and Hindu matchmakers to celebrity matchmakers to reality TV shows. You see, now I've got your attention. Most popular celebrities today depend on arranged marriages to enable them to find life partners. But this is always out of view because they portray the love match scenes for consumers. So how does it add up, even though marriages being chosen out of love is a relatively recent occurrence in some countries, it still doesn't remain the norm everywhere. And while there is evidence that suggests that love matches are more likely to end in divorce than arranged marriages, we should take both of these facts into careful consideration. The divorce rate alone can't tell us about the happiness or functionality of a certain relationship. Just because the marriage is passionate at the onset doesn't mean it will last forever or it will fall apart. Although arranged marriages tend to last longer, Coontz also noticed that some arranged marriages can be coaxial or oppressive if both parties aren't consenting. So if love matches and arranged marriages both have their ups and downs, then where do lasting marriages come from? Well, it seems that marriages built around consent with both parties pursuing one goal and not coaxing with or without love is the best ideal form of marriage to last.
So the next time you decide to get into a relationship with the intention of marriage, remember to let your partner really consent to the match, not because of family, faith, wealth, ethnicity and probably love, but because you have the same goals as your partner and your partner is ready to marry and would want the marriage to work. If not you will be sleeping on the wrong side of your bed when you face the realities of a breakup. Until we meet next time, this is Gossip Boy. Tak.
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